Choosing a dildo can feel overwhelming, especially when you're new to anal play or you’ve only dabbled a few times. This isn’t about what’s trendy or what you see in porn—this is about what actually works for your body and how to make the right choice for you.

Let’s break it all down: size, material, shape, and that all-important topic—girth. Because when it comes to toys, especially anal toys, one size does not fit all.

Start With Where You’re At

If your experience with anal play has been limited to 1–2 fingers and a couple of buttplugs (used sparingly), you're not alone. Plenty of people explore at their own pace, and that's exactly how it should be. There’s no competition, no need to rush to bigger or more intense toys. Start with comfort and curiosity.

The fact that the buttplugs you’ve tried before felt overly stretchy on insertion and removal is an important clue. It means your body might not be ready (or willing) to take something with too much girth or a wide base. It could also suggest that the shape or material of the plugs wasn’t working with your anatomy or prep style.

Girth Is More Important Than Length (Usually)

When it comes to anal toys, girth often plays a bigger role in comfort than length. Why? Because the anus has powerful muscles that resist stretching quickly. A toy that’s too thick can feel like a barrier, both physically and mentally. It can cause pain or discomfort, which is exactly what we want to avoid.

Let’s break this down with real-world numbers:

• One finger = approx. 0.75 inches in diameter

• Two fingers = around 1.5 inches

That gives us a general benchmark: if you’re comfortable with two fingers, a dildo with a diameter of 1.25" to 1.4" is a safe, beginner-friendly starting point. That translates to about 4–4.5 inches in circumference.

Compare that to standard dildo sizes, where the average starts around 1.5" in diameter (4.7" in circumference) and goes up quickly from there. Anything above that may stretch you more than you're ready for.

So if you’ve bookmarked a few toys online that look appealing, double-check their measurements. A toy might look small in the picture but could be thicker than what you're used to. Don’t go by looks—go by the numbers.

What About Length?

Length is usually less of an issue unless you’re planning to take the whole toy inside. If you're just experimenting, anything in the 4–6 inch range of insertable length is perfectly reasonable. More than that might feel overwhelming, but the great thing is—you don’t have to use the full length. Many people use only part of a toy comfortably.

The key takeaway: girth is the gatekeeper; length is negotiable.

Materials Matter More Than You Think

Material is not just a preference thing—it’s a health thing. Body-safe materials should be your number one priority, especially for anal play. That means:

• Medical-grade silicone (non-porous, hypoallergenic)

• Borosilicate glass (smooth, temperature-responsive)

• Stainless steel (firm, great for pressure)

Avoid anything made from jelly rubber, PVC, or toys labeled as "novelty"—those often contain phthalates or other chemicals that are unsafe for internal use.

Silicone is the gold standard for most people. It’s soft, flexible, easy to clean, and doesn’t retain bacteria if cared for properly. Glass and steel are fantastic too, especially if you prefer firmer pressure or want to experiment with temperature play.

Shape & Base: Don’t Skip These

If you're going anal, make sure the toy has a flared base. This is non-negotiable. The base keeps the toy from slipping in too far and getting stuck (which happens more often than you'd think). A T-bar or suction cup base are both solid options.

As for shape, tapered tips make for easier insertion. Bulbous shapes can feel more intense, especially on removal, which is worth considering given your previous experience with buttplugs. Smooth and straight is often the easiest to start with.

Warm-Up and Lube: Your New Best Friends

Even the most perfectly sized dildo won’t feel right without warm-up and lube. Start with a warm shower, relaxed mood, maybe some external stimulation or massage. Use fingers or a small plug to get your body into a receptive state.

Use lots of lube—more than you think. Water-based lube works well with all toy types, while silicone-based lube offers longer glide (but shouldn’t be used with silicone toys unless you patch-test).

Ease Into It: Less Is More

You might be tempted to go for the toy that looks impressive or has high ratings, but your body doesn’t care about popularity—it wants compatibility. Starting smaller doesn’t mean you’re not adventurous. It means you’re smart about your pleasure and safety.

Once you're comfortable with a certain size, you can gradually increase if you feel like it. Some people never go beyond 1.25" in diameter and still have fantastic anal experiences. Others work their way up slowly. Both are valid.

Recommendations: Beginner-Friendly Sizes

If we had to give a range:

• Diameter: 1.1" to 1.4"

• Circumference: 3.5" to 4.5"

• Insertable length: 4" to 6"

Keep in mind that different brands label their toys differently. Always check the insertable length and the widest diameter—not just total length or base size.

The Final Word: Your Body, Your Pace

This isn’t about being ready for a certain size—it’s about knowing what your body enjoys now and allowing that to evolve naturally. There’s zero shame in using smaller toys. There’s also no prize for taking the biggest one.

Pleasure doesn’t come from pushing limits—it comes from knowing your boundaries and exploring them with care, curiosity, and consent (even with yourself).

TL;DR Quick Guide

• Stick to 1.25"–1.4" diameter to start

• Check insertable length, not just total length

• Choose medical-grade silicone, glass, or steel

• Use lube. Always.

• Don’t skip warm-up

• Listen to your body—never rush

The right dildo isn’t just about what fits. It’s about what fits you. And that’s something only you get to decide, one inch (and one experience) at a time.

And hey, if you’re ever unsure, it’s totally okay to ask questions before you buy. You're not alone in figuring this stuff out.